Anonymous asked this question on 7/1/2000:

I am married to a wonderful man, and we are the parents of two beautiful children, who give us great joy every day. My husband (not Catholic) & myself (a Catholic) have decided to use birth control (I am on the pill). We agreed that if in a few years we can handle another child (financially), we will try once more; however, if we find we cannot, we will take permanent measures, (one of us will get a surgical procedure done). As much as we'd love more children, we know that it may not be financially possible.

It is my understanding that according to the Catholic church, sex between a married couple is for pro-creation purposes only, and nothing more. Is that still true? And since we are using birth control, does the church see that I am going to hell? I do not take Communion when I go to church, but I have not gone to confession since I don't feel that using birth control is wrong. I came from a family with seven children, and my parents depended on welfare to put food on the table and pay our rent! I don't want my children to go through this. Thank You , and God Bless you!

mscperu gave this response on 7/1/2000:

Greetings:

If you don't mind I will add some considerations to the former postings, which are presenting the teaching of the Catholic Church. By the way: Coitus interruputus is not an alternative.

Go and look at the following site:

http://www.laity.org/catholic_family_life_and_sexuali.htm

Do you know "Billings'"? You should have a good look at the first document. You see the pill is bombarding your body with progesterone (?) and that at long last will have some effect if it doesn�t already.

How does the pill help your marriage? There will be no preoccupation for both of you, no growing in mutual sensitivity, no need of mutual help. There need be only the question: "Did you take the pill?" Easy?

The natural methods require mutual understanding and help. There is no massive attack against the body. But that is not my concern it's yours.

I understand your situation. You have had a hard childhood and that marks your perspective. At the same time you are married to a wonderful man who possibly has no understanding at all regarding the teaching of the Catholic Church. It is not his fault.

So you are under double pressure. Can I suggest that - if I may use a current expression here in Peru - you should not cackle about eggs not laid yet...  like talking about permanent measures? (Or is it for provocation's sake). Here in Peru we have had the terrible "help" of the IMF paying analphabetic people to have vasectomy and similar "solutions" of poverty and excess population.

It is terrible to look on how this "help" destroys marriage. It just dries up. I have read that in the USA there is a new breed of specialists of psychology: "helping with the trauma of post-abortion". Don't worry there will be pronto a new specialty "to help with the trauma of permanent measures". You will see.

I have no adequate words to describe the consequences. It would fill a book. And I am in contact only with a limited number of those couples.

You can tell your husband that there is no need to accept the teaching of the Church. It's enough to look at the consequences. Catholics know that contravening the commandments of God destroys a person. So please I tell you for your own good, don't even think about permanent measures.

Why dare I to talk to you like that? I have exhorted, argued, prayed, urged and tried to persuade couples in your predicament. They took the "easy" way out and some months later they came back and I had to use all my self-restraint as not to say to them: "I told you so!" ALL my predictions were fulfilled. So please, don't hurt yourself irremediably even if it is something quite accepted around you.

I read in an other posting that priests who do not marry possibly cannot counsel about marriage. If I try to persuade somebody not to poison herself do I have to have the experience first?

Now regarding your question of the finality of marriage. For a comprehensive basic answer regarding the teaching of the Church read the document of the "Pontifical Council for the Family". You find it almost at the end of the page mentioned above. The Human sexuality is unitive and procreative:

"The Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality - Guidelines for Education Within the Family, by the Pontifical Council for the Family".

The other documents are very instructive too. Take the time. You hear too much of the contrary. So give yourself a chance to hear and read more about the truth. And prepare your husband's favorite dish so that he may kindly read together with you.

And why don't you talk to a priest? Their mission is to help not to condemn. Each case is different. I hope and pray that you may find one who is in synchrony with the Church's teaching. Because, I am sorry to say it, there are some who have been "contaminated" by the spirit of this world.

Now as a dessert I offer something to shock you a little bit:

I could write thank God an other fat book about couples that have more than two children: five, nine, and twelve. They have chosen the following option: "We will accept all the children God wants to give us". Stupid, huh?

Well you should see those families! There is warmth, happiness, there is verve. You enter their houses and you encounter life. The children grow up with a big heart. They have shared and cared not only with and for one other. And, mirabile dictu, the mothers of so many children are in a wonderful shape. No beauty parlor can produce something similar. They are beautiful, attractive. Pardon if a priest says something like that. Living in celibacy I have no lost my eyes! Perhaps there could be a Page on the Web: "Mothers of more than a pair of children" The Cindys of the world would die. Cause of demise: envy.

Economics? One of the husbands gave recently his testimony. He told that with each new child the situation got better.

Can you imagine that another of these husbands lost his job? Eight children. His wife got pregnant. You can imagine the assault of the surrounding personas: "How can you be so irresponsible? The other children will suffer". Well, the day the new child was born he got a better job. Coincidence, yes?

Perhaps I shouldn't have written these shocking things because they un-authorized all I wrote above. How can you expecting people to believe you when you are proposing irresponsibility? In Peru they say: "More knows the devil for being old than for being the devil!" More do I know for being old than for having studied years and years. I have seen that there is happiness where people live according to the will of God. You cannot disprove that. Just try and I will show you the photos.

Now, every case is special that is why you should talk to a priest. And some are only gradually able to understand the will of God. And the Church teaches that the couple decides after hearing the Church, nobody else.

Why have I written all of the above?

I want you to be happy.

It works, I�ve seen it.

I pray for your happiness.

God bless you

in Corde Jesu

mscperu

P.D. I should have prepared the Sunday sermon instead, God forgive me! Have I gone astray?

 I appreciate you taking the time to answer my question. With your input and the input of everyone else who has answered my question, I have a better understanding of what's expected of me.

I do know that every child is a gift from God, and He does not give us tasks we cannot handle. When I look in my children's eyes I see that. Thank you so much for your input, and God Bless you always :)