Dialogue with an innocent divorcee
mscperu asked this question on 7/6/2000:
I have read an answer you gave. So I looked at your Catholicism page and found your mentioning that the role of the Church is changing in your family life.
Would you care to elaborate?
MM gave this response on 7/7/2000:
I am divorced, and I, like many Catholics before me, anguished for years over how this action affected my standing in the Church. The divorce was not my choice, but after almost 20 years of marriage, my husband, who is also Catholic, decided he wanted someone else. We have 4 children. I love the Catholic Church and cannot see myself as anything else. Because I felt I was losing touch with God, I decided it did not have to be that way. I realized that the church is a tool we use to obtain heavenly glory and that is how I see it. My children all attended Catholic school, and I have done all I can to teach them well how Christ expects us to live and treat others. They are all grown and I find myself living a Christian life.
I am concentrating on the one great commandment, love one another as I have loved you, and I have begun to feel that other people are just as close to God, if not closer, than I am, regardless of their religion. I refuse to go through the annulment process - I probably would not be granted an annulment at any rate, because of the length of the marriage and the requirements of the annulment - i.e. getting witnesses, confessing that I felt it was not a marriage, etc. It is, in my view, an unnecessary formality, and I am concerned about the message it sends to my children. At any rate, I think God knows I am here, and knows of my efforts to remain faithful to the Catholic Church as best I can. Thank you for asking.
God may give you consolation and heal the wounds.
Thank you for answering.
If you don’t mind I would like to offer some thoughts I hope can help a little. Only if you want to.
Pardon me: to be able to focus it would be adequate to know if you have entered a new relationship.
God bless you
MM gave this follow-up answer on 7/7/2000:
In answer to your question - I am in a relationship, yes. Before I tell you more about that however, I want to say that from you I am feeling nothing but kindness. My misery and pain have been internalized for so long, and I rarely share them with anyone - but for some reason, I wanted to share them with you. What I said in my previous post was my way of feeling that God still loves me, despite all the mistakes I have made. It is a way to feel closer to God, bending the rules - yes - but I had to do something so I was sure He still saw me. Do you understand what I mean?
This is a highly emotional subject for me, and even as I write this I am getting tearful. Even after all of this time. Unfortunately, I am at work right now, so probably will not look at this again today. To continue, I am not married to this "relationship", but I love him with all my heart, he is a good man and in my way, I am trying to bring him to Christ. We are planning a civil ceremony probably next year. Thank you so much for your kindness and interest - God is definitely working through you, my friend.
Sorry for answering only now, but you can imagine that the weekends are an "occupational hazard" for priests.
God loves you. He would love you even if you were the worst person on this planet which you certainly aren’t. The issue is never: Is God with us? The quandary is: am I with God? And even our sins don’t push Him away, they push us away from God. Even entering in permanent adultery will not modify the love of God, it will modify your status of a living member of the Church. God loves you more than His only Son. He gave His son into death for your sake. So don’t you ever doubt the love of God. He has created us free and is bound to respect that even in our sins.
Now, if you don’t mind I want to propose different lines of thought and some hard questions. Don’t react at once. Read it and let pass a day or two before answering.
So let us start:
You should take under consideration that we try to find always a justification for our acts. So often we prefer our reasons to the teaching of the Church especially if we think we are the innocent party. The Church can’t budge an inch from the teaching of the Lord. Remember that Henry VIII threatened the Pope he would convert to Protestatism if he couldn’t get a anulment in order to marry Anne Boleyn. Well, you know history. The Pope could not sanction something different so England converted to Protestantism. The Sacrament of Marriage produces in the couple the permanent presence of Jesus Christ and His Spirit. You just can’t make it "un-happen".
The annulment procedure intends simply to find out if there has been omitted an essential element. If this is the case the authority declares that there has been no sacrament. I imagine the procedure is not very pleasant but I am sure that everybody involved is very discrete. Even the long duration of a marriage or having children has no direct influence. You are concerned about the message to your children. What message? That the Church may formulate a decision about your marriage? What about the message of adultery instead?
In cases like yours the responsibilities seem clear-cut. There is a guilty partner and an innocent one. May I suggest that there is no innocent part in these cases. Why has your husband decided to get an other woman? Because he was very happy? Even routine can be a mortal ingredient in destroying the marriage. I can suggest a host of reasons that drive a man into an other woman’s arms: being a mother in the first place and only in second place a spouse; work outside the house; the conditions of "well behaving" before he gets what he wants; fussiness; he has never been the head of the house, etc. These are very "innocent" factors but let him find a woman that is all the contrary, then the temptation is overwhelming. Midlife crisis surely helps too.
Are you still with me? I know it is hard but in situations like yours it is necesary to be very direct. Why? You say you are in love with an other man. You still feel innocent? Being in love can be a terrible obstacle to the truth. It blinds you. So I have to set some time bombs if I want to get through to you. And please tell me: how can you attract somebody to Christianism making him partner in a mortal sin?
You are hurt. One of the deepest wounds consists in feeling dislike, resentment, bitterness, hatred. I suggest that you falling in love with the other man has something of revenge too. Don’t deny it too quickly. There is at least some justifying reasoning about it if you get what I mean.
What do I suggest?
First forgive God that He has permitted the suffering you have been through. He could have avoided it but did not. There is not only your free will involved. He could have changed the circumstances.
In the second place I suggest you ask your husband to forgive you all negative things you did to him. If you find it impossible to talk to him write him a letter. Write a letter to the other woman too asking her to forgive you your uncharitable thoughts about her.
In the third place or you initiate the annulment proceedings or you tell your love interest (no pun intended) that you love God more than him and you had to take this choice. Then go to confession and get yourself involved in a serious Christian movement. You lack radicality.
Oh Lord, reading the above I seem to use a sledgehammer. I would like to have your read what the Pope says about and to people who are in your situation.
God bless you
Together with the synod, I earnestly call upon pastors and the whole
community of the faithful to help the divorced and with solicitous care
to make sure that they do not consider themselves as separated from the
church, for as baptized persons they can and indeed must share in her
life. They should be encouraged to listen to the word of God, to attend
the sacrifice of the Mass, to persevere in prayer, to contribute to works
of charity and to community efforts in favor of justice, to bring up
their children in the Christian faith, to cultivate the spirit and
practice of penance and thus implore, day by day, God’s grace. Let the
church pray for them, encourage them and show herself a merciful mother
and thus sustain them in faith and hope.
However, the church reaffirms her practice, which is based upon sacred
scripture, of not admitting to Eucharistic communion divorced persons who
have remarried. They are unable to be admitted thereto from the fact that
their state and condition of life objectively contradict that union of
love between Christ and the church, which is signified and effected by the
Eucharist. Besides this there is another special pastoral reason: If
these people were admitted to the eucharist the faithful would be led
into error and confusion regarding the church’s teaching about the
indissolubility of marriage.
Reconciliation in the sacrament of penance, which would open the way to
the eucharist, can only be granted to those who, repenting of having
broken the sign of the convenant and of fidelity to Christ, are sincerely
ready to undertake a way of life that is no longer in contradiction to
the indissolubility of marriage.
This means, in practice, that when, for serious reasons such as, for
example, the children’s upbringing, a man and a woman cannot satisfy the
obligation to separate, they "take on themselves the duty to live in
complete continence, that is, by abstinence from the acts proper to
Similarly, the respect due to the sacrament of matrimony, to the couples
themselves and their families, and also to the community of the faithful
forbids any pastor for whatever reason or pretext, even of a pastoral
nature, to perform ceremonies of any kind for divorced people who
remarry. Such ceremonies would give the impression of the celebration of
a new, sacramentally valid marriage and would thus lead people into error
concerning the indissolubility of a validly contracted marriage.
By acting in this way the church professes her own fidelity to Christ and
to his truth. At the same time she shows motherly concern for these
children of hers, especially those who, through no fault of their own,
have been abandoned by their legitimate partner.
With firm confidence she believes that those who have rejected the Lord’s
command and are still living in this state will be able to obtain from
God the grace of conversion and salvation, provided that they have
persevered in prayer, penance and charity.
MM gave this response on 7/16/2000:
"Sledgehammer"? Yes, a mighty blow to the heart. To think that a person I do not know, and for some reason have chosen to confide in, could level such a hurtful blow to me is startling. I cried buckets at your last. I had trouble hiding it – I was not yet ready to talk to my guy about everything you and I have discussed, and it was difficult to keep it from him. I have successfully avoided "hearing" the words you wrote for years, and without any hesitation, walked right into it. I should have known I could not hide forever, but that was my hope.
I tried writing you back immediately, even though you asked me not to. It was the part regarding my role in my divorce that caused me the most pain. I wanted you to know more about me, so you could see why the decisions were made. But before I could complete what I wanted to tell you, I was kicked off, and all of my words were lost. I did not go back, but spent most of the day crying off and on. It is now Sunday morning, and I am writing this off-line first to be sure I get it all down.
I am a product of abusive parents where were alcoholics as well as mean. At 19, when I married my husband, I was submissive and weak and very compliant as a result of that upbringing. The product of a Catholic education, also where, even though I was intelligent, I barely graduated. And yet, no nun, no priest ever asked me what was going on in my home that made my life such a hell, and made me incapable of studying. I never told a soul. My husband was a graduate of Notre Dame University, where I met him, and he was so different from my serious, demanding family, that I fell in love.
He was a strong-willed, domineering type – take charge, take control and I wanted him to take me over. He liked my submissiveness, my compliance, and my eagerness to please. Eventually, however, I grew up. I became, somehow, more self-assured. I think because he led me to believe I could do anything I wanted, that I didn’t have to be held back because of my families’ treatment of me. He was never kind about it, just frustrated and annoyed. I wanted to please him so much, so I did everything he asked me to do, and began to grow.
I went to school – Loyola University – and found I had a brain, had skills, and decided to go into nursing. Our son, at 2, was diagnosed with diabetes, and I loved the medical personnel who cared for him so much, that I wanted to be a part of that, too. So wherever we moved, I went to school. But my husband never supported me, and took no interest in what I was doing. I never got that degree, which I know is totally my fault. He would never help me, and despite being an at-home Mom with four children and a huge house to manage, and the demands of being a "corporate wife", he never saw the need to encourage me in any way to get my education. In retrospect, I think he was looking outside of our marriage for many years. We had 4 children, and they were my life.
You are right to say I contributed to the decline of our marriage, we both did. But I cried when you mentioned an apology. His interest in me as a woman was non-existent. I was so naďve, so immature sexually when we first met, and he never told me anything – what he wanted from me there. I didn’t have one idea on how to please a man, how to become his partner. I should have insisted, I should have done something, anything, to keep him interested in me. But he was so mean, so unkind about my lack of skill in public – in front of our friends and family, that I lost the heart to please him. I do not believe I can apologize for that, my friend. I do not believe I could bring myself to say it was my fault he didn’t want me, that he really wanted someone who knew more about pleasing him. When we made love, that was all either one of us thought about - I never thought about myself, and have lived all of these years without the "normal" fulfillment of a sexual act (I hope you understand what I mean by this, I cannot bring myself to be more explicit).
As I said, he liked me compliance. When I went to school, I began to be more confident, and he didn’t like that at all. I was making decisions for myself, signing up for classes, and that annoyed him. He was a science major at ND, and he insisted I sign up for a microbiology course long before I was ready. I did, to show him I could do it, but he never helped me with it – he had said it was so "easy". But I had to drop the class because of my limited knowledge base, and that just gave him more material to ridicule me and use against me.
I am telling you all of this for a reason. I wanted you to know that I did not deliberately destroy my marriage single-handedly. Yes, I did play a role – which I will admit. But so did he.
I will write more later. I cannot have the past here, right before my eyes, and continue with this at the moment.
mscperu asked this follow-up question on 7/16/2000:
Yesterday I was celebrating the Eucharist. Six or seven from those present can formulate a special petition. I asked the faithful to pray with me for a sister in distress.
God bless you
MM gave this response
I apologize for my defensive rambling of yesterday. There is no reason you would be interested in the decline of my marriage, and I should not have burdened you so. I appreciate your concern, and thank you kindly for asking for prayers for me. I do believe in the power of prayer.
mscperu asked this follow-up question on 7/18/2000:
The joy of the Lord be in your heart.
Your "rambling" has been a gift of confidence for me. Now if you could look at your biography with the eyes of God!
What do I mean? In every moment God has been present in your life. He could have caused you to have a different family, have known a different man.
In spite of all the suffering (in itself it has a divine purpose and meaning) could you ask yourself what was His intentions in letting you live the life you lived up to now? What for?
Faith tells us that God is never conquered by our sins but uses those to give us something we need.....
So look at your history with the eyes of God.
God bless you
MM gave this response on 7/19/2000:
I address you as such because I finally took the time to read your profile. You deserve to be addressed respectfully, for your role and for your kindness.
I am reading a book my daughter gave me. It's really a series of books, fiction, about a minister living in a small town and it chronicles the events in the lives of his parishioners. One such person, a semi-elderly man, has been married for years to a woman who, as she aged, became completely unhinged. When the preacher is out walking one evening, he passes by this couple’s house and stops in for a visit. While there, the wife displays terrible ill temper and is uncommonly mean to her gentle husband. When the wife leaves the room at one point, the preacher asks after the husband, "how are you doing?" and in so many well-chosen words, in reality, asks how he can stay with her. The man is a simple person, and looks at the minister and says "Because I promised her."
In that whole book, those are the words that stayed with me. "Because I promised her". How many of us can hold to a promise, when conditions change? God, apparently, is the only one who keeps true to His promises. I have made promises that I have not kept, and because most of the world has done the same, there is a comfort in being one of many promise-breakers. We say things like, "everyone does it." No one, it appears, expects people to do what they say they will do - forever.
I believe that along with God, love is a true constant, and that once you love, it never really dies. I know that must sound juvenile, and I have even been told that - but I love my children’s father as a human being, created by God, flaws and all. I will always love him, always worry about him and be concerned about him, regardless of his feelings for me. We have been divorced for about 15 years now. When we married, I promised to do that for the rest of his life, and I have every intention of keeping to that promise.
I am a writer, Father. I have written several stories, and even a couple of books. I have only had one story published, but I am ever hopeful. I use my life for my material, and even though most of what I write is fiction, people who read what I write have a very emotional response. I wrote a story about my father when he had been placed in a nursing home, and put it on the internet, and a woman wrote me back, telling me her father had recently died and she was so comforted by my story, she just had to tell me. I ask God almost every day to move my hand, to use what I know about people and what I know about life, to reach someone who is suffering, or who needs to read something that will make them smile, or even cry. I love it when my readers cry! LOL. For some reason, that is such a high compliment, and the fact that I could find just the right mix of words to bring someone to tears is truly a gift from God.
You asked me in your last post why I thought God had given me such a difficult life. I believe that is why. I believe that if I had not lived such a life, experienced so much pain, I would never be able to put it down on paper and tell stories about people just like me, so someone else could read and feel soothed and comforted. Its like giving someone a hug! It is a natural talent I have, and I will never stop writing. Never stop loving, never stop trying to be everything God wants me to be.
You make me think, and I appreciate that. I hope this finds you well, and that you will write back, telling me your thoughts. I want to tell you more about my life today, my relationship, and my plans, if you have the patience left to hear it all. God bless you, Father, for listening to this sad soul.
mscperu asked this question on 9/20/2000:
The Holy Father is inviting all Catholics to renew their faith, to convert to Jesus Christ and His Church and be reconciled to God the Father.
No human love can substitute the presence of the Holy Spirit!
There is more joy in heaven for one sinner who changes than for 99 saints.
God bless you
MM gave this response on 10/4/2000:
God bless you as well :)
mscperu gave this response
MollyMc gave this follow-up answer on 10/13/2000:
I realize you are disappointed in me, and that you even may have felt you didn’t do a good enough job in convincing me of the peril I am in. That is not the case - there have been few moments when the condition of my soul has not been on my mind, and I give the credit to you. I continue to search for answers, continue to evaluate and reevaluate what steps I can take to be closer to my ideal. You do not live in this world, mscperu, do not have the same obligations I do, which I helped create and from which I cannot walk away without feeling somewhat responsible for the pain I cause while doing so. I am upset, really, that you are so impatient, that you do not give me credit for being a sensitive and intelligent being.
I am frightened. Frightened that living my life the way I have has not been enough. Just going to confession is not the answer, because that very act is just the beginning, with decisions and steps that will ripple through the life I have created for myself. There are people I love deeply who will be affected by just that act of contrition, by saying to a priest that I have sinned, and will try to sin no more. I cannot take this step lightly, and while I feel in jeopardy, while I feel I know what has to be done, I am a human being after all, who has spent most of her life in a loneley, isolated and painful existance. I do not want to return to that, ever - but with the very act of confession, I will set that stage in motion once again.
It is a failing of mine, I know, to not be able to live without human companionship. I feel that God does not want me to have that, that I am used more as a person who drifts in and out of lives of others, never belonging. I have had a strong sense of that being what God wants for me - and I accept it willingly in my heart, but I know my weaknesses.
You do not really know me very well, and while I would never be boastful or prideful of the things I have done, of how I live every single day, I think it would suffice to tell you that I act with love in every movement I make, every word I speak, every hand I hold. I am completely without hatred, completely optimistic and hopeful. I truly love everyone I meet, I go out of my way to give to others, to give of myself until there is often nothing left. I ask God to rejuvenate me, and He does not disappoint. I bring God to every moment of my life, share Him when I can in all of my actions, and truly mean it when I ask for God’s blessings for another. I talk to God - I thank Him for his many gifts and beg him to help me find the strength within me that I need to get through this life. I am not a flighty person, I am sincere in all ways, and I see each person on this earth a gift from the Almighty.
If God wants more from me than this, I give it willingly. But that first step, acknowledging that I am to be sacrificed, is a difficult one to make. I will do this, however, because I am afraid.
Your words are respectfully requested.
With great respect,
MM gave this follow-up answer on 10/14/2000:
I will not be bothering you again, mscperu. I understand the "value" of a one-star rating, and that has told me that you do not wish to communicate with me again. The rating means nothing to me - never has - but at least in this case, it was useful. Thank you for your valuable input from the past. I hope you will at least pray for me.
mscperu gave this response
Dear sister in Christ.
Thank you for your answer.
Please, I’m not disappointed, nor am I judging you. I’m only some kind of donkey that carries a message and shakes its ears at the flies. Somewhere in the Bible don Luci is called lord of the flies. And by a great margin probability I’m a superior sinner because I have had in my life so many opportunities and should by now achieve some degree of Christian life. After 40 and some years of religious life I continue discovering frailties and sins I didn’t know I had. I can only exist confiding in God’s mercy.
To be able to change is a grace, a divine gift. Because only those come to the Father that Jesus brings to Him. I’m sure He wants to carry you home on His shoulders. There is more joy in heaven because of one sinner who converts than because of 99 saints. So you see I’m only some kind of reminder that He cares for you. It’s been some time now that I don’t visit AskMe.com. But somehow I felt the urge to send you the message(s). So it's really Him!
Now let me suggest something I have tried to convey some way or other. Suppose that all that happens is a great gift from the Lord. He even takes the consequences of our sins and transforms them into blessings. Could you make a make an effort to think about why God in His love has permitted the life you had because it’s the best He could and would do for you? You should look at your life not through the dark glasses of your sufferings but from the other side where everything is bathed in the brilliant light of the overwhelming love of God. Conclusion: you needed to receive what you got. And if you made mistakes God doesn’t. He takes even catches your mistakes and converts them into blessings. Couldn't it be that you would be much worse of than you are now if all that has happened wouldn't have happened?
You are talking about hurting other people’s feelings. I would like to ask you something. Wouldn’t you hurt your children’s feelings if it were necessary for their real well-being? Real love looks at the real need. And basically not wanting to hurt the feelings of others when their best is at stake is really not wanting to suffer oneself.
You are very right that confession is only the beginning. There stretches before your eyes a large dry desert full of want and hurt. Israel liberated from oppression felt that way too and wanted to go back to the fleshpots and the onions of slavery. I encounter this type of feelings frequently in young people who want to marry sometime and have anticipated sexual intercourse. They think that renouncing would let them dry and solitary. But the overwhelming force of sex has incapacitated them to learn the wonderfully finer, higher and not so tangible world of real love. But when God helps them to be chaste little by little they acquire a new sensitivity of what unsuspected dimensions real love can reach.
It is the same in our reality with God. God wants to confer us the gift of divine experience but if we are imprisoned in our physical experiences it is impossible to perceive. It's like a person that loves you and is there and you don't know it. That does not mean that our physical experiences have to be eliminated. It's not that. But they have to be subordinated; they have to be in the right order as not to impede our perceiving of God's loving presence. I'm sorry. You can't eat your cake and keep it. And that reality is not a quirk of God's whim. It's what God knows is best for you. Please, look at the following psalm. David wrote it because he was in the desert; he was in a situation where he could perceive God. Wouldn't you like to experience this?
The Thirsting Soul Satisfied in God.
A Psalm of David, when he was in the wilderness of Judah.
1 God, Thou art my God; I shall seek Thee earnestly;
My soul thirsts for Thee, my flesh yearns for Thee,
In a dry and weary land where there is no water.
2 Thus I have beheld Thee in the sanctuary,
To see Thy power and Thy glory.
3 Because Thy loving kindness is better than life,
My lips will praise Thee.
4 So I will bless Thee as long as I live;
I will lift up my hands in Thy name.
5 My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness,
And my mouth offers praises with joyful lips.
6 When I remember Thee on my bed,
I meditate on Thee in the night watches,
7 For Thou hast been my help,
And in the shadow of Thy wings I sing for joy.
8 My soul clings to Thee;
Thy right hand upholds me.
9 But those who seek my life, to destroy it,
Will go into the depths of the earth.
10 They will be delivered over to the power of the sword;
They will be a prey for foxes.
11 But the king will rejoice in God;
Everyone who swears by Him will glory,
For the mouths of those who speak lies will be stopped.
You are saying that God is with you in everything. Well it reminds me of one of your presidents. The representatives of the southern states refused to abandon slavery even under the menace of war. They departed with the words (I don't remember exactly): "You will see that God is with us"; your president answered: "It's not about being God with us, it's about being us with God".
Sin is nothing bad in the sense that we look for something because it's bad. We are looking for what we think is good for us and makes us happy. Eve thought that eating from the tree would make her really happy. And look at what happened! So it is with us. We decide what is good for us. Consequently to abandon what we think makes us happy is not painless. It hurts badly because we think our life is at stake and we should defend it with all our might. But mull over Who knows what is best at the end.
Faith: " 24 Then Jesus said to His disciples,"If anyone wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. 25 "For whoever wishes to save his life shall lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake shall find it. 26 "For what will a man be profited, if he gains the whole world, and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? 27 "For the Son of Man is going to come in the glory of His Father with His angels; and will then recompense every man according to his deeds. 28 "Truly I say to you, there are some of those who are standing here who shall not taste death until they see the Son of Man coming in His kingdom."(Mt 16).
Remember why I first wrote to you? It was because you said that the role of the Church was changing for you. But we found out that your role was changing because you are in adultery. You are looking at this moment at the Mount Everest. Impossible to climb it. Why don't you just take one step, and then the next? That's all to it. You are not alone. He is carrying the yoke of life together with you and you can be sure that it will be He who will carry the real load. First re-establish the connection with God. Let the Holy Spirit occupy His sanctuary (1 Cor 6:19). Then you will have at your disposition all the help you need. And He will be the inspiration about what to do next and next and next…
One step at a time.
God bless you
PS. "One star" means: not so good! If you want we can initiate a new sequence without the lone star!
mscperu added this clarification on 10/17/2000:
Why don't you answer not using this thread but like putting a question to me?
Then you give me a lone star!
MM declined to answer on 11/1/2000:
Our conversation is over :)
MM asked this question on 11/1/2000:
Hello again. You have not lost me for good. We are looking at mid-January for the dissolution of our relationship. I will be living alone, and for what it is worth, that will be forever after. My heart is breaking, and I don't know if I am strong enough to do this - the other side looks very bleak and lonely. What can I do? How can I pray? I spend so much time praying for others, I don't know how to pray for me.
Mscperu gave this response
The joy of the Lord be in your heart.
I'm preparing to cross town in order to celebrate the evening Masses. I will be praying hard for you. I'll invite the congregation to pray for you too. But I think we should thank God for this miracle.
Israel has a hymn that's called "dayenú - that would have been enough for us".
They sing like that:
"If the Lord would have liberated His people from Pharaoh and wouldn't have opened the red sea - dayenú that would have been enough for us. If the Lord would have opened the read sea and wouldn't have given us the manna - dayenú, etc".
Remember every step the Lord has brought you onward and for every one say: "Dayenú!".
Remember: one step and the other step.
Looking at the Everest can be inspiring but it can be discouraging too.
God bless you
PS. What happened?
PSS. Please, I want my lone star!
Why wait until mid-January to stop sinning?
Or have you occupied an other room?
Confession and Communion provide incredible strength and wisdom.
Love means also helping the other one to live in the will of God even he doesn't believe it.
MM asked this question on 12/6/2000:
I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving - and are surely looking forward to a blessed Christmas as well.
As you might imagine, I am in a great deal of pain right now. The process has begun and I am making my plans - alone. It is difficult to say right now how this will all transpire. One thing I did fail to mention to you was that it is my name that is on the lease where we are living - therefore, I am responsible for honoring it. If I break the lease, I could lose a great deal of money, which is important right now. We still have a lot of talking to do, figuring out about the furniture, which is mostly mine, but I can't leave them with nothing. And I don't need much, I guess.
Do you even have any sense of how hard this is for me? Will you pray for me, please?
(p.s. - I know it has been awhile since we communicated, but I do hope that you remember me. I am the one "living in sin". Ring any bells?)
mscperu gave this response on 12-6-2000
The joy of the Lord be in your heart.
Certainly I remember you because I'm praying for you. I think you experience the result. God hears every prayer.
I should trust my hunches (suggestions of the Holy Spiritż?)!
Last week I thought about sending you a story. But then I thought better (or worse) about it and decided not to write because you could feel acosada, I mean pressured.
So here goes the story. I only want you to understand that the Lord is kind. He loves to forgive. The story if from a book a read centuries ago "The World, the Flesh and Father Smith".
Father Smith was called to a brothel where an old mariner was dying. The old man confessed all his sins. But there was a problem. He said that he could not repent to have loved the prostitutes. The priest exhorted, cajoled and reprimanded him: "Man, without repentance there is no forgiveness". The culprit answered: "But, Father, how can I repent of having met all those wonderful, nice girls who treated me with kindness?" He was adamant that he just couldn’t feel sorry about it. At last the priest asked him: "Now, hear me! Do you repent of not being able to repent?" "Oh yes". The priest gave him the absolution.
You see, ‘tis not about feeling but about doing God’s bidding and invitation. Even if it hurts. Every hurt is a Shema – Hear ye Israel: Our God is the only God.
PS. There is an other sister in Christ in a different difficult and hurtful situation too. Pray for her too. I pray for both of you. See you in heaven!
PSS. Still praying for you.