Language in marriage

Greetings

The joy of the Lord be in your heart.

I found a text I would like to share with all of you.

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Saint Chrysostome, a monk at the beginnings of his life and bishop afterwards, suggests how the young husband (only the young ones?) should talk to his wife:

"If you wish me, I (Chrysostome) will also tell you by way of specimen, what sort of language should be addressed to her. For if Paul shrank not from saying, "Defraud ye not one the other" (2 Cor. vii. 5), and spoke the language of a bridesmaid, or rather not of a bridesmaid, but of a spiritual soul, much more will not we shrink from speaking.

What then is the language we ought to address to her? With great delicacy then we may say to her,

"I have taken thee, my child, to be partner of my life, and have brought thee in to share with me in the closest and most honorable ties, in my children, and the superintendence of my house. And what advice then shall I now recommend thee?"

But rather, first talk with her of your love for her; for there is nothing that so contributes to persuade a hearer to admit sincerely the things that are said, as to be assured that they are said with hearty affection. How then art thou to show that affection?

By saying, "when it was in my power to take many to wife, both with better fortunes, and of noble family, I did not so choose, but I was enamored of thee, and thy beautiful life, thy modesty, thy gentleness, and soberness of mind."

Then immediately from these beginnings open the way to your discourse on true wisdom, and with some circumlocution make a protest against riches. For if you direct your argument at once against riches, you will bear too heavily upon her; but if you do it by taking an occasion, you will succeed entirely. For you will appear to be doing it in the way of an apology, not as a morose sort of person, and ungracious, and over-nice about trifles. But when you take occasion from what relates to herself, she will be even pleased.

You will say then, (for I must now take up the discourse again,) that "whereas I might have married a rich woman, and with good fortune, I could not endure it. And why so? Not capriciously, and without reason; but I was taught well and truly, that money is no real possession, but a most despicable thing, a thing which moreover belongs as well to thieves, and to harlots, and to grave-robbers. Therefore, I gave up these things, and went on till I fell in with the excellence of thy soul, which I value above all gold. For a young damsel who is discreet and ingenuous, and whose heart is set on piety, is worth the whole world. For these reasons then, I courted thee, and I love thee, and prefer thee to my own soul.

For the present life is nothing. And I pray, and beseech, and do all I can, that we may be counted worthy so to live this present life, as that we may be able also there in the world to come to be united to one another in perfect security. For our time here is brief and fleeting. However, if we shall be counted worthy by having pleased God to so exchange this life for that one, then shall we ever be both with Christ and with each other, with pleasure that is more abundant. I value thy affection above all things, and nothing is so bitter or so painful to me, as ever to be at variance with thee" (Homily XX).

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Hear ye, hear ye oh married people!

When have you last pronounced a speech like that to your spouse?

No answer required. However, if it makes you happy share with all and sunder your favorite Christian husband - wife speech!

vale

mscperu